Chapter 5: Are you serious?!

“Finally! The last day of school!” I woke up and thought to myself. “Today should be a good day.” I actually jumped out of bed, literally jumped! I just wanted to get ready for school. It only took me fifteen minutes, and I was ready to run out the door. But, just as I was about to run out the front door my mother stopped me and said, “Holly, you need to eat something before you leave.” I sighed , but I knew she was right. If I didn’t eat now, I wouldn’t be eating until pretty late tonight. So I grabbed a banana and some toast.

After I was done eating I said goodbye to my mom and ran to catch the bus. I got there just in time too. The bus ride was the same as any other day, but I was defiantly more eager to get to school today, seeing as it was the last day before winter break!

I got to school early, and sat in front of my locker waiting for Trevor, like I did every morning. Just reading a book, or some days catching up on homework that I didn’t do the night before. Today though, I was just reading, or trying to read anyway. The halls were really busy, with excited students. I kept looking around to see if I could see Trevor coming my way. Which was hard to do, but I still tried. As time passed I was getting a little anxious. I mean, the bell was going to ring in about 10 minutes, and he still wasn’t here yet. So, I got up and got my books from locker so I was ready to go to class when he got there.

However, when the bell rang and he still wasn’t here. I went to class. I figured he was just running late and I’d see him at lunch anyway. At least I hoped I would. See, me being the most paranoid and pessimistic person in the world. I worried. I worried a lot.

When I got to class I was glad to see that Mr. Robins wasn’t there yet. At least I wasn’t technically late for the last day. It was about ten minutes into class by the time the teacher got there. And everyone was out of their seats and chatting away with all theirs friends. Me and my friends though, we were sitting in our seats just laughing at all the kids, like every morning.

Class went by slowly, mostly because I was too busy looking at the clock, waiting for this class to end so I could get the next class over with. It was just a catch up class, to hand in anything we hadn’t already handed in. This school was really different than most of the high school in our city. We had exams last week, so I really didn’t even need to come this week. I mostly only came for my friends and Trevor.

The hours past, and so did both of my classes, very slowly. But, finally it was lunch break. I made a bee line straight for my locker, and put all my stuff away and I waited again for Trevor. It was really starting to bug me that I didn’t know where he was. He had told me yesterday that he was coming in today. I sat down, and started reading again. Then suddenly I heard him say my name.

“Holly” Trevor said. But, when I looked up at him, he didn’t look to happy. I wouldn’t even say he looked sad or sick. It was more like scared or ashamed. What was going on? Was all I could think to my self at that moment.

“Hey, Hun. What’s up? Where have you been all morning? I was getting worried.” I said with a little grin. Boy, I was starting to feel like I shouldn’t of ate this morning. My tummy was doing somersaults, and I didn’t even know why.
“Oh yeah, sorry. I got a little distracted this morning. I was thinking about stuff…” He trailed off. It was like he had more to say but couldn’t quite form the words to say it. I just sat there staring at him for a moment, when he spoke again. “I actually really need to talk to you about something kind of important. Do you think we could take a walk?” His tone worried me a lot. I knew something wasn’t right. I was so scared.
“Well, can’t we just talk about it here? It’s not like we have that much time before we have to go to Drama.” I said. He’s breaking up with me, I just know it! I thought to my self.
“Holly, I’d really rather not talk about this here. It’s pretty personal and such.” He said in a really low voice, so low in fact, that if I didn’t have such good hearing I probably wouldn’t of thought he spoke at all.
I stood up, looked him in the eyes and said, “Trevor Jukes, if you’re breaking up with me do it now, and here. I’m not going for a walk, just to have to come back here heart broken any way!” I said that very sternly, and I meant it.
“It’s not what you think, Holly. I care about you very deeply…” He paused and looked around, but continued, “Okay, if we’re going to talk about this here, can you promise me one thing?”
I nodded at him, I couldn’t speak. I knew if I did I was just going to cry. One thing about me, if you didn’t already know, every emotion I have comes with tears!
So, he continued, “Holly, it’s like this, I like you a lot. You’re awesome, and fun to be with. But, I think we’re better off friends. For many reasons, and I’m not going to lie to you, because it wouldn’t be fair of me. But the biggest reason is that…” He paused to take a breath in, while I just stood there in major shock and disbelief. “Holly, I’m gay. There I said it. I’m sorry, but I can’t lie to myself or to you anymore.”
Now I know I have great hearing, but for once I had really hoped I had heard wrong. I knew I didn’t, but I also knew I shouldn’t speak. I knew speaking right there and then would break the nod ‘promise’ I gave to him. But he pushed it, when he said, “Holly, damn it. Talk to me.” If he wanted me to talk, he got it.
“You’re What?! Gay?” I screamed. “What the hell were you thinking dating me? What was I to you just a fake girlfriend? Just a cover up?” by this point everyone who was in the hall was looking in our direction, and normally that would make me shut up. But, I could feel the rage and surge of emotions building up in my gut and burning in my throat.
“Holly. Please keep it down. Please. I still need to come back here next year.” He whispered, I could see the begging and pleading in his eyes. But, honestly, I didn’t care.
“Screw you! You’re a homo! You gay faggot! I can’t believe you used me just to look good to the other football players. What so you could touch their butts and enjoy it, without them knowing!” I was so upset; I couldn’t even control what was coming out of my mouth. Had I even looked at him, I would of seen the embarrassment and pain I was causing him. But, I didn’t care, at that moment, he was the biggest jerk in the world! I started crying, like really crying. Tear after annoying tear came tumbling down my cheeks. I stood there, crying and shaking, and he just leaned in, kissed my tear soaked cheek and said, “Good bye Holly. I’m truly sorry. I never meant to hurt you like this.” And he began walking away. I know now, I should of let that be that. But, I screamed some more at him, things I will always regret, things I can never take back, but I was so mad and so hurt!

I couldn’t even stay at school after that. I just cleaned out my locker and ran out the closest doors. I went straight to the bus stop, and went home. I didn’t want to deal with all of this. Why was this

happening to me? What was I going to do? I just needed to get home to my house where I was safe and no one was around. I knew my mom and dad would both still be at work. I also knew my mom wouldn’t be happy that I skipped class, but I didn’t care.

When I got home, I ran straight to my room and fell on to my bed and cried even more. I didn’t think I could cry so much! The tears wouldn’t stop coming. I cried so much, I feel asleep.

***

“Holly Trimbee! What are you doing? Why are you home already?” My mother yelled at me. I could hear how annoyed she was by the tone of her voice. My face was buried into my pillow, but when I rolled over and looked at her, I saw her face soften. My face must have been tear streaked. When I looked at her, I started crying again. She came and sat down beside me on my bed.
“Oh baby girl, what’s wrong?” She whispered. So, in between gulps of breath and tears, I told her the whole story. I’d never before felt so heart broken in my life, and I never wanted to like this again. My mother and I sat there for what felt like hours just talking, and hugging.

Finally, I was able to breath, and felt a little more calm then I had all evening. My mom had to go make dinner, but she told me everything would be okay. I wanted to believe her, but part of me just couldn’t.
“Mom, I’m gonna call Sharon and see what she’s up to, okay? And maybe I’ll go hang out with her for a little while.” I said. My mom just smiled slightly and nodded her head.

So, I called Sharon. We didn’t talk for very long, but we didn’t need too. I just told her a little bit about today and what had happened, and she told me to come over. She also told me a couple of her friends we’re there, but she wanted me to meet them anyway. So, we hung up and I left my room.

When I got out to the kitchen my mom was making dinner and I told her I’d be back later. But before I left, I asked her if now was a good time for her to think about me transferring to Melbrook High school. She told me she would talk to my dad about it and we’d have a talk later. That was good enough for now.

So, I left to go to Sharon's house for awhile...