6/16/10

Today I graduate....

Future in Good Hands - Myspace Quote Graphics


So in 4 and a half hours I will be graduating...
I can't believe it! I honestly never thought I'd make it...
With everything that started to go wrong in the course, and in my life (past and present)
I didn't think I was gonna get to this point.
I'm very proud of myself =)
This is the first graduation I've gone to since my grade 8 one lol
Man! Its exciting! :)
Then we go to Ottawa, all because I'm a college graduate!! haha

SOOOOO, I've discovered that I love love love 3OH!3...
Their not so good too look at, the one guys alright I guess lol
But whateves I still am in love with their songs right now!!

Anyway, I don't really have much to say, I'm super nervous about grad
So I can't concentrate atm lol
I'll write more tonight I'm sure! Even have pictures!

Laters!

6/15/10

Neighbors Need a Cig - Myspace Quote Graphics

Well, first I must say That up there ^^^^
I just loved it sooooo much I had to share it!!
I laughed ridiculously hard, and had to post it! =)

Anyway, so today has been pretty boring all things considered...
I just went out and bought some stuff for the trip to Ottawa...
We got:
- 6 Lunchables (That's two each lol)
- Sandwich meat (Ham and chicken!)
- Bread
- Butter
- Mayo
- Apple and Grape Juice
- Chips (Plain, All dressed and KETCHUP!!!!)

And tomorrow I'm gonna be getting
- Water
- Ice packs
- Pop (maybe...)

And I'm making some Apple sauce to bring with us!!! =) lol
I'm sooo uber excited it's kind ridiculous actually haha
I'm no where near as excited for Grad as I am for Ottawa...
Sad really isn't it?

Hmm, What else did I do today?...
I went out with Raven, and my parents.
Shopping, came home...
Made a really yummy dinner!!!
Taco Bake!!! =) Oh my yummy yummy yummy!!!
After we ate the first one, we decided we wanted another...
SO! we went to Sobey's and got another box and made it again!! (Fat kids all the way!!)
We also went to Shoppers in that trip...But what I bought is nobody's business... ;) haha

But that's been about the extent of what I've done today...
And now I'm here, typing on my blog...
Oh what an exciting life I lead! =)

Tomorrow's gonna be somewhat the same...
I've gotta wake up and take my daddy out :)
and then grab that other stuff...
and take my grandma out to get something...
and then a whole lot of fuck all! woo hoo!
Gotta try to get as much sleep tomorrow night as I can though...
Since I won't be sleeping at all after my grad...and then going to bed late afternoon Thursday..
This way I'm ready for driving on Friday MORNING!!!! =)
Oh wow...I'm really stupidly excited!! haha

anyway, I should head off to bed so I don't sleep the day away tomorrow...
I actually have to get up in the a.m-ish :P

Nighterz!!!!!!!

Silly Hearts - Myspace Quote Graphics
P.S. Just because I haven't said it yet, in this post anyway, I miss him very muchly! =)

6/13/10

At home again...

Every Great Dream - Myspace Quote Graphics

I'm back home, and bored already...lol
I'm trying to write my story some more...
But I'm just not feeling it tonight...

The weekend was pretty good...:)
It had some pretty awesome moments/hours...lol
I gave Josh his presents just after midnight...
He seemed to like them a lot, I figured he would.
I hated leaving today though, I wish I could of stayed just laying beside him for a little while longer...I hate Sundays just for that reason.
Two nights every two weeks, just isn't enough.
However, I know even if it was two nights every week, I'd still say the same thing :)
I miss him...a lot...already...
Sad, pathetic, loserish, Call it what you will...But I'd still say it!
I'm thinking about laying down, and watching a movie or something...I dunno
I'm just bored, and have nothing to really do...

My Grad is in 3 days! I'm excited to have a reason to wear a dress, do my hair and make up! Just to get all pretty and stuff! I'm also kinda sad, I wish Josh could of come...But he has to work, and he's a little far away so it would make it more of a challenge. But like he said, he's gonna be there in spirit! *awww =)*

Right after that, on the Friday MORNING, Elisha, Raven, and I are going to Ottawa! Just to go to the Science museum and coming back for Saturday morning/afternoon. It may not be for that long, but I'm still excited! I've never gone on a drive like that alone. This is my first mini road trip! We're leaving at like 1:30 a.m. I'm gonna sleep all afternoon/night Thursday so that I'm ready for the drive! After we're done at the museum, we're drive back a little bit and stop at a rest stop for a little nap and then continue on our way back home. I hope its a nice weekend...lol It would suck pretty bad if it wasn't...Cruise control is an awesome thing when the weather is nice!

Anyway, I'm gonna go do something, I dunno what, but maybe watch a movie or something lol.

Later days!!


Well Behaved Women - Myspace Quote Graphics

6/11/10

Before I leave...

Quotes - Myspace Quote Graphics

So, It's finally Friday, and I'm slowly working on getting ready to go...lol
But I figured in case I didn't get a chance to write anything over the weekend, I'd do it now.
I've overly excited...Mostly cus I miss him a lot...
AND It's his birthday tomorrow!! *Happy early Birthday Baby!* =) lol

Anyway, I need to figure what I'm gonna pack, and what I'm gonna wear today lol...
It's pretty damn hot out there right now, so probably shorts and a tank =)
*Random Thought I really want a coffee!*
Hmm, I don't know what to talk about...
So, I'm just gonna end this one early...and say "HAVE A GREAT WEEKEND!"
I'll be sure to post on Monday at the latest! =) haha

Later Peeps, and Much love to ya all!



6/10/10

Oh so pink! =)

Crazy Tragic - Myspace Quote Graphics

I LOVE my new look!
All this pink on my blog, is just so...ME!
It took mt like 45 minutes just to figure out my new layout...
BUT it was sooooo worth it! =) ha.

Anyway, again I don't really have anything to bitch/talk about...
But that's why it's random I guess..lol
So, my day today hasn't been anything too thrilling...
But I went shopping for new underwear and bra's haha
Oh and I got Josh one more thing to add to his birthday present! =)
I can't wait till he opens them lol, I'm thinking he's gonna like em...
But we'll see I guess...
I'll for sure tell ya how it goes, and hopefully I'll have pictures to post too!
But I don't have anything else to really say, and I need to go have a shower...
So, I'll write more later or tomorrow or something :)

In case I don't write more tonight, Good Night!
But If I do, then I do!

Later folks! =)


*~* Quote Of The Post*~*

As we grow up we learn that even the one person who wasn't suppose to let us down, Probably will. You'll have your heart broken, probably more than once, and it's harder every time. You'll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when someone broke yours. You'll fight with your best friend, and maybe even fall in love with them. You'll blame a new love for things an old one did. You'll cry because life's passing too fast, and eventually lose someone close to you. So, take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you've never been hurt. Because, every 60 seconds you spend angry or upset is a minute of happiness you'll never get back.
- Anonymous

The bed is calling my name...

Well, I'm just writing a little something before I go to bed...
I have absolutely nothing to really say...
All my thinking has been put into my story lately...
So, yes I have been slacking on my personal blog...
But meh, my story is much more interesting than my real life...lol
Nothing overly exciting or irritating has been happening lately...
I'm pretty excited for the weekend though =)
2 more sleeps!!
Oh man, my tummy suddenly started to feel icky...
man, my grad's really soon too...
I've been thinking about that a lot lately...
What if I fall when I'm walking up the stage?
Oh that would suck soooo much!
at least I'm not wearing heels haha

Anyway, I don't want to think about my klutziness right now...
I don't even really want to think about anything but my bed!
and my dog's snoring isn't helping that either!

But yeah, I'm at a loss for words, so I'm gonna cut this short and go to bed...
I'll attempt to write something else tomorrow...
Maybe while I'm doing laundry! Oh funn...
So, good night!! =)

And no, I don't have a quote of the post for tonight...
I'm just too lazy to worry about it tonight lol

Lates!! (I know I'm such a loser..But you love it!)

Chapter 7: Trevor who?

I rolled over and looked at my phone. It was already one o’clock in the afternoon. I just laid there, starring at the ceiling. Just thinking to myself about yesterday and everything that had happened. Could I really be okay enough today to just go out? Hang out with new people? Can I really just act like nothing had happened? Sure, I’d been hurt. Really hurt. But I know I didn’t truly deeply madly love him. Did I? There was no way I possibly could of, if I could just get up and forget it, act like nothing happened, right? But could I? He was the first thing I thought of when I woke up. But I wasn’t crying. “Good sign!” I told myself as I sat up on the edge of my bed. I looked at my self in the mirror and boy did I ever look like a big pile of poop. I got up, and walked to the kitchen, I could hear my mom washing dishes and I wanted to see her.

“Hey mom” I said tiredly.
“Good afternoon honey, how was your sleep?” She said never turning around to look at me.
“It was good, I guess” I chuckled.
“That’s good”, she looked over shoulder and smiled, “What time do you plan on going out tonight?”
“Uh, I’m not really sure about that. Do you think you could give us a ride there later?” I asked.
“I’m sure we could work something out.”
“Thanks mom. I’m sure Sharon can give you directions or something.” I laughed as my mom sighed and rolled her eyes I’m sure. My mom hasn’t always been a fan of Sharon. But she knows she can’t change my mind. She was the first friend I made when we moved here almost six years ago. I wasn’t losing that friendship. My mom just thought she’d be a bad influence on me, because Sharon was a bit, how can I put this, Promiscuous? She has daddy issues, to be honest; I just think she enjoys the attention.

I went back to my room to get changed. On my way past, I grabbed the cordless phone. I needed to call Sharon and see what she was up to. So, I dialled her number and it began to ring.

“Hello?” Sharon answered the phone.
“Hey” I said smiling, I loved when she answered the phone and I didn’t have to wait for her to come to the phone.
“What’s up?”
“Oh, nothing really, I just woke up not too long ago. How about you?” I asked.
“Same” She giggled, “I’m gonna be getting ready to go over to Erica’s house soon.”
“Oh cool. I’ll get ready soon too. My mom said she can drive us over.”
“Awesome. That’ll save us some time and I can introduce you to my boyfriend!” Sharon said excitedly.
“Alright, well just come on over when your ready and we’ll chill for a bit. ‘kay?” I said.
“Alrighty! See ya soon girl!” and she hung up the phone.

I decide to care a little more today about what I was going to wear; after all, I would be meeting new people today. First impressions last a life time, or so they say.

***


It was almost three in the afternoon and I was finally ready to go. Sharon had called to say she was on her way over, we didn’t waste time chatting in my room before we left. My mom and I met her in the van, and we left. Sharon told my mom that he lived on MacDonald Rd, and she drove us there. The drive only took about twenty minutes, and the whole time Sharon just talked about how excited she was and stuff. Nothing I really cared about, I was nervous. I always was when I was meeting new people. I was more nervous because Sharon had told me another guy I would be meeting here tonight went to Melbrook. She apparently hung out with him all the time too, so more than likely I would be too. Great, back to that first impressions thing.

Sharon got out of the van, and I hung back to say bye to my mom.
“Just give me a call if you need a ride home, okay?” She asked.
“Alright mom. I love you. And Thanks.” I smiled and got out.
She just waved at me and drove off. I stood there looking around the neighbour hood. It was way different looking then where we lived. More run down, and I was sort of scared. I followed Sharon up to the house and waited for her to knock. But she didn’t, she just walked in! I was about to freak out, but then I heard everyone greeting her like she was family. I guess they were expecting her. I followed close behind her, through the door, where we took our shoes off and she started walking through the kitchen, and into a living room.

There was a bunch of people sitting around talking. I saw Erica and Heather, they we’re the only ones I knew. Sharon over, and jumped into the lap of this guy, I assumed it was her boyfriend Timmy. I just stood there; I didn’t know what to do. Sharon started listing off all the people.

“Everyone this is Holly. Holly this is Timmy,” She smiled and kissed him, and continued, “You know Erica and Heather. That’s mommy, or Dana , Dad or Rob. That over there is Dan, he doesn’t live here, but he may as well.” She laughed. Everyone waved and said hello, they were all so welcoming. I was told to take a seat, so I did.

We sat around the house, talking, laughing, having a good time. It was a long time before anyone new come in. But Sharon wasn’t kidding me when she said there would be a bunch of guys stopping in and going straight down stairs. I never got introduced to any of them. But that was fine by me, I wasn’t big on meet a ton of new people anyway.

I was sitting on the corner of a big couch, I could see down the hall, and the door that lead to the basement, where everyone was disappearing to. Suddenly I saw the door open, and this big guy stood there. Sharon jumped out of Timmy’s lap and ran to give this guy a hug. As soon as that happened I assumed this was Jason. It turned out I was right. My whole world felt like it was shaking. I wanted to look away but I couldn’t. He was tall, and oh so handsome. Not in a, oh look at me I’m perfect, kind of way, but adorable. He had blonde, curly hair, and light baby blue eyes. And when he smiled, I thought I would die! It was cute, and welcoming, and sweet, and sexy all at the same time.

”Hey Holly! This is Jason!” She smiled and continued, “And Jason, this is Holly. She’s gonna be coming to Melbrook after the break!” She was way more excited than even I was about that.
“Hey” I said hesitantly, and smiling uncontrollably.
“Hello there!” He said quickly and then walked into the living room. I couldn’t take my eyes off of him. He was so cute! Sharon never told me that part. He sat down on the floor, almost right in front of me. I looked down into my lap. I thought if I didn’t my eyes were gonna fall out of my head. But even


as I was looking down, I was still trying to look at him. I think he knew. He would look over in my direction and smile, and I could feel my face deceiving me, and turning bright, burning hot red. I’d never felt like this before around any other guy not even Trevor had this feeling come out in me. As time went on and he still sat there, I just gave up trying to hide it, I kept looking. By this point, all I was thinking was Trevor who?

I never believed in love at first sight, that was until now. I wanted him. Everything in my being told me, he was it. He was who I wanted to be sitting next, he was the guy I wanted. I wanted to hug him, and kiss him, and just feel his warmth next to me. I wanted those big hands touching me, not the floor! Was I losing my mind? Even if I was, I didn’t care. So much time must of passed but I wasn’t watching a clock, I watching him. Suddenly he stood up, I didn’t know why, but he towered over me, and I was looking up as he said “Well Imma head down stairs for the game, Tim, come on, let’s go.” He waved good bye and just like that he was gone. Maybe that’s what they were talking about while I was day dreaming about Jason.

We stayed in the living room mostly. Erica and I just hung out, she was right Sharon was barely around at all. She left to go down stairs most of the time. I really liked hanging out with her though. She was awesome, and we were discovering that we had a lot in common.

It was getting late, and I had to call my mom to leave. Sharon was staying the night. So, it was just me leaving. When my mom got there I said good bye to everyone I had just met. I felt liked. Dana gave me a big hug and told me to came back some time, same with Erica. I really liked these people. I was happy, nothing hurt inside me anymore. It was like coming here was medicine for my heart.

The whole ride home was quiet, except for the radio. My mom was tired, and I could only think of him. There was so many questions going through my mind. How old was he? Did he have a girlfriend? Should I even be thinking about that right now? Oh, his smile! It was stuck in my mind, and wasn’t leaving anytime soon. Plus, I didn’t really want it to. I mean, I liked it. A lot.

When we got home, I dashed into my room, and shut the door. I was dancing around like a little girl, hopped up on sugar. It was ridiculous. I was humming to myself, and giggling. I got changed into my P.J’s, even though I didn’t think I was ever going to fall asleep.

I laid down, and closed my eyes. I saw his face. I saw his smile and heard his voice. I was losing my mind and loving it. It took awhile, but I finally fell asleep. He was the last thing I thought about, and I slept like a baby that night, smiling all the while…

6/9/10

Chapter 6: Here we go again…

As I was walking down the street towards Sharon’s house, I heard someone calling my name. I turned around, and there was Brittany Chasing after me. So I waved, I wasn’t really anxious to see anyone right now, but she was one of my best friends, so I stopped to wait for her.

“Hey Holly! Where are ya off too?” She said slightly breathlessly, but mostly grinning.
“Hey. I’m just headed over to Sharon’s house. Wanna come with me?” I asked, pretty sure Sharon wouldn’t mind. Brittany just nodded and we began walking. She didn’t say much to me at all, I could see she wanted to. I’m sure I still looked like I had been crying, but I was glad she didn’t ask. It would just be easier to explain the whole situation once to both her and Sharon.

The walk seemed to last a lot longer than normal. Maybe, that’s because it was quite, and kind of cold outside today. When we finally got to Sharon’s house, I knocked on the door. Her house was fairly large, white brick, and lots of windows. The front door was even one big window. I always wondered what would make someone buy a house like this; wouldn’t the non-privacy thing bug a person after a while? But her whole family loved this house very much.

Sharon’s mom, Amy, answered the door and we said our hello’s and she told us Sharon and her friends was upstairs in her room. Amy was a really nice woman; I loved her as much as I did my own mom, most of the time. She was a small woman, with very red hair, and blue eyes. She wasn’t anything overly special, but she sure had more confidence than anyone I knew.

We walked up the stairs and into Sharon’s room, by the look on her face you would of thought she wasn’t expecting any more company.

“Oh gees! Hi Holly! Hi Brittany! You guys startled me.” She giggled.
“Hey.” Both Brittany and I said at the same time.
Sharon started introducing Brittany and I to the two new girls that were in her room. There was Erica, a Bigger girl, with long dark brown hair, and very brown eyes to match. She looked to be about the same height as me, but she was sitting on the floor, so it was hard to tell. Erica definitely was native or Italian or something to that affect anyway, because she had tan coloured skin. She was a bit on the tom boy side, you could tell by looking at her. Not that there was any thing wrong with that, but seeing as Sharon was such a girly-girly, or at least tried to be. It was a bit odd. The second girls name was Heather. She was a very small girl all around. She was sitting on Sharon’s bed and couldn’t even touch the ground, I’d give her 5 feet tall max. She had dirty blonde hair, and blue-ish grey eyes. Very slender, a little more girly than Erica, but you could still see her tom boy side too. We all said a little hello and waved a bit, no one seemed to eager to meet someone new.

Heather moved off the bed, and joined Erica on the floor by the C.D player, and Brittany and I joined Sharon on the bed. I was in the middle of the two of them; it worked out pretty good though. Sharon was a tall, petite, kind of awkward girl, with strawberry blonde hair and light blue eyes. Brittany on the other hand was a bit bigger than me, a couple inches shorter than me, with light brown hair and big light brown eyes, more of a honey brown I guess.

Sharon decide to get things rolling, and began by asking, “So What the heck happened?”


I rolled my eyes, what a way to make a conversation start, only Sharon would be that blunt; I thought to my self and then finally said, “Well, Trevor dumped me today!” I started to cry a little again. Damn it! Why do I always cry? I hate this part of me more than anything. Sharon and Brittany at the same time hugged me. Wow, I needed that more than I though I did. I have awesome friends, seriously I love these girls. Through my blurry, watery eyes, I could see Erica and Heather looking at me, and maybe feeling a bit uncomfortable. Hell, It’s not like they knew me, and I didn’t know them, but I was so upset I didn’t even care who seen me crying over this jerk.

I told them the entire horrible and embarrassing story. The more I thought about it, the more I felt bad for the way I reacted in the hall way towards Trevor. Even though all the girls, even Heather and Erica, we’re telling me they would of reacted the same way.

“Go you! I wouldn’t of known what to do. I probably would of hit the idiot!” Said Erica, and Heather nodded in agreement. Everyone giggled a little, and then my most favourite song in the whole wide world started playing. I started dancing while I was sitting on the bed, and we all started singing.

“I’m a Barbie girl, in a Barbie world. Life in plastic it’s fantastic! You can brush my hair, undress me everywhere. Imagination, life is your creation.” All of us, in unison sang the song to it’s entirety.

As the night went on, we all started talking about everything from boys to school. We we’re all getting along really well. It turned out to be a fun night, and just what I needed to feel better about everything that had happened today.

It was getting late and Brittany had already had to leave. So, it was just Erica, Heather, Sharon, and myself. But, I had to get going to, and so did Heather and Erica. We had to walk in the same general direction, because they we’re going to a bus stop and I was going to my house. So, We decide to walk together.

It was nice, having people to walk home with in the dark. We talked all the way to the corner where we had to separate and go different ways. It was a typical Friday night, people were every where and the streets were busy. But we stood on the corner and talked for a few minutes longer.

“Well, the bus is going to be here any minute now, so we had better getting going. But, It was great meeting you tonight.” Erica said happily. And I believed she meant it.
“Yeah, it was totally fun! We should all get together again sometime in the future.” I said a lot more bubbly than I would of have expected tonight.
“Well, What about tomorrow? Sharon’s coming over. It’s not like my house is overly exciting. All the guys at my house will be in the basement, or ‘The Hole’” She said air quoting the last words, “playing this game they play, but we can just hang out up stairs. It would be nice to have someone around to talk to.” Erica said.
“What about Sharon? Isn’t she around to talk to?” I asked, confused.
“Not really,” She chuckled, “Sharon goes down stairs a lot to see the boys. Her boyfriend, Timmy, he’s my brother. So, she mostly sees him when she’s there.”
“Ogh well, ya know, sure! I’m not doing anything tomorrow anyway. It could be fun. I’ll just called Sharon tonight and let her know, I’ll be coming too.” I smiled.
“Nice! So I’ll see ya tomorrow then. Bye!” Erica said as they walked away. Both Erica and Heather we’re waving, and so was I.


I walked the rest of the way home, smiling, and humming to myself. Tonight was a pretty good night. Hopefully tomorrow would be too.

I walked into my house, and to my surprise, both my parents were still up. I was sure I was gonna be in trouble. It was past my curfew, and I hadn’t called.
”Hey.” I said a little hesitantly, “Sorry I’m late! I completely lost track of time. I’m soooo sorry!”
My mother was the first to respond, “It’s okay Holly, we knew you were safe and upset. You like you’re feeling a little better, that’s good.” She and my dad smiled.
“Yeah, it was good to get out for a bit and forget about things, I guess.”
“So, your father and I have been talking about you transferring schools. We’ve decided you can. We trust you and believe that it would be an okay option, if that’s what you want to do still.”
“Oh my god! Thank you!” I screamed excitedly, and hugged them both. “I’m gonna go call Sharon and tell here the good news!” I started to walk towards my room, and then stopped. “Oh Mom, Dad, one more thing. Tomorrow, would it be okay if I went over to Sharon’s boyfriend’s house with her?” I asked.
“Sure baby girl, that shouldn’t be a problem.” My father said.

I was so excited, that I ran to my room. I flopped on my bed, and grabbed my cell phone to text Sharon.

‘Hey. The rents are gonna let me changes schools! :)’ I sent.

After a few minutes, Sharon text back.

‘That’s awesome! So excited!’ was her reply.

‘yea, and I’m coming wit U 2morrow. Erica invited me.
So B4 U leave text me, I’ll meet ya outside!’ I sent back to her.

I was starting to fall asleep, when my phone rang again.

‘Alrite. I’m goin around 5. ttul. G’night.’

I was so tired, I just barely got my phone on charge and I passed out in the jeans and tank I was wearing all day. It was a good sleep, a well needed sleep. I don’t remember dreaming at all that night. And I never woke up until the next morning.

6/8/10

Chapter 5: Are you serious?!

“Finally! The last day of school!” I woke up and thought to myself. “Today should be a good day.” I actually jumped out of bed, literally jumped! I just wanted to get ready for school. It only took me fifteen minutes, and I was ready to run out the door. But, just as I was about to run out the front door my mother stopped me and said, “Holly, you need to eat something before you leave.” I sighed , but I knew she was right. If I didn’t eat now, I wouldn’t be eating until pretty late tonight. So I grabbed a banana and some toast.

After I was done eating I said goodbye to my mom and ran to catch the bus. I got there just in time too. The bus ride was the same as any other day, but I was defiantly more eager to get to school today, seeing as it was the last day before winter break!

I got to school early, and sat in front of my locker waiting for Trevor, like I did every morning. Just reading a book, or some days catching up on homework that I didn’t do the night before. Today though, I was just reading, or trying to read anyway. The halls were really busy, with excited students. I kept looking around to see if I could see Trevor coming my way. Which was hard to do, but I still tried. As time passed I was getting a little anxious. I mean, the bell was going to ring in about 10 minutes, and he still wasn’t here yet. So, I got up and got my books from locker so I was ready to go to class when he got there.

However, when the bell rang and he still wasn’t here. I went to class. I figured he was just running late and I’d see him at lunch anyway. At least I hoped I would. See, me being the most paranoid and pessimistic person in the world. I worried. I worried a lot.

When I got to class I was glad to see that Mr. Robins wasn’t there yet. At least I wasn’t technically late for the last day. It was about ten minutes into class by the time the teacher got there. And everyone was out of their seats and chatting away with all theirs friends. Me and my friends though, we were sitting in our seats just laughing at all the kids, like every morning.

Class went by slowly, mostly because I was too busy looking at the clock, waiting for this class to end so I could get the next class over with. It was just a catch up class, to hand in anything we hadn’t already handed in. This school was really different than most of the high school in our city. We had exams last week, so I really didn’t even need to come this week. I mostly only came for my friends and Trevor.

The hours past, and so did both of my classes, very slowly. But, finally it was lunch break. I made a bee line straight for my locker, and put all my stuff away and I waited again for Trevor. It was really starting to bug me that I didn’t know where he was. He had told me yesterday that he was coming in today. I sat down, and started reading again. Then suddenly I heard him say my name.

“Holly” Trevor said. But, when I looked up at him, he didn’t look to happy. I wouldn’t even say he looked sad or sick. It was more like scared or ashamed. What was going on? Was all I could think to my self at that moment.

“Hey, Hun. What’s up? Where have you been all morning? I was getting worried.” I said with a little grin. Boy, I was starting to feel like I shouldn’t of ate this morning. My tummy was doing somersaults, and I didn’t even know why.
“Oh yeah, sorry. I got a little distracted this morning. I was thinking about stuff…” He trailed off. It was like he had more to say but couldn’t quite form the words to say it. I just sat there staring at him for a moment, when he spoke again. “I actually really need to talk to you about something kind of important. Do you think we could take a walk?” His tone worried me a lot. I knew something wasn’t right. I was so scared.
“Well, can’t we just talk about it here? It’s not like we have that much time before we have to go to Drama.” I said. He’s breaking up with me, I just know it! I thought to my self.
“Holly, I’d really rather not talk about this here. It’s pretty personal and such.” He said in a really low voice, so low in fact, that if I didn’t have such good hearing I probably wouldn’t of thought he spoke at all.
I stood up, looked him in the eyes and said, “Trevor Jukes, if you’re breaking up with me do it now, and here. I’m not going for a walk, just to have to come back here heart broken any way!” I said that very sternly, and I meant it.
“It’s not what you think, Holly. I care about you very deeply…” He paused and looked around, but continued, “Okay, if we’re going to talk about this here, can you promise me one thing?”
I nodded at him, I couldn’t speak. I knew if I did I was just going to cry. One thing about me, if you didn’t already know, every emotion I have comes with tears!
So, he continued, “Holly, it’s like this, I like you a lot. You’re awesome, and fun to be with. But, I think we’re better off friends. For many reasons, and I’m not going to lie to you, because it wouldn’t be fair of me. But the biggest reason is that…” He paused to take a breath in, while I just stood there in major shock and disbelief. “Holly, I’m gay. There I said it. I’m sorry, but I can’t lie to myself or to you anymore.”
Now I know I have great hearing, but for once I had really hoped I had heard wrong. I knew I didn’t, but I also knew I shouldn’t speak. I knew speaking right there and then would break the nod ‘promise’ I gave to him. But he pushed it, when he said, “Holly, damn it. Talk to me.” If he wanted me to talk, he got it.
“You’re What?! Gay?” I screamed. “What the hell were you thinking dating me? What was I to you just a fake girlfriend? Just a cover up?” by this point everyone who was in the hall was looking in our direction, and normally that would make me shut up. But, I could feel the rage and surge of emotions building up in my gut and burning in my throat.
“Holly. Please keep it down. Please. I still need to come back here next year.” He whispered, I could see the begging and pleading in his eyes. But, honestly, I didn’t care.
“Screw you! You’re a homo! You gay faggot! I can’t believe you used me just to look good to the other football players. What so you could touch their butts and enjoy it, without them knowing!” I was so upset; I couldn’t even control what was coming out of my mouth. Had I even looked at him, I would of seen the embarrassment and pain I was causing him. But, I didn’t care, at that moment, he was the biggest jerk in the world! I started crying, like really crying. Tear after annoying tear came tumbling down my cheeks. I stood there, crying and shaking, and he just leaned in, kissed my tear soaked cheek and said, “Good bye Holly. I’m truly sorry. I never meant to hurt you like this.” And he began walking away. I know now, I should of let that be that. But, I screamed some more at him, things I will always regret, things I can never take back, but I was so mad and so hurt!

I couldn’t even stay at school after that. I just cleaned out my locker and ran out the closest doors. I went straight to the bus stop, and went home. I didn’t want to deal with all of this. Why was this

happening to me? What was I going to do? I just needed to get home to my house where I was safe and no one was around. I knew my mom and dad would both still be at work. I also knew my mom wouldn’t be happy that I skipped class, but I didn’t care.

When I got home, I ran straight to my room and fell on to my bed and cried even more. I didn’t think I could cry so much! The tears wouldn’t stop coming. I cried so much, I feel asleep.

***

“Holly Trimbee! What are you doing? Why are you home already?” My mother yelled at me. I could hear how annoyed she was by the tone of her voice. My face was buried into my pillow, but when I rolled over and looked at her, I saw her face soften. My face must have been tear streaked. When I looked at her, I started crying again. She came and sat down beside me on my bed.
“Oh baby girl, what’s wrong?” She whispered. So, in between gulps of breath and tears, I told her the whole story. I’d never before felt so heart broken in my life, and I never wanted to like this again. My mother and I sat there for what felt like hours just talking, and hugging.

Finally, I was able to breath, and felt a little more calm then I had all evening. My mom had to go make dinner, but she told me everything would be okay. I wanted to believe her, but part of me just couldn’t.
“Mom, I’m gonna call Sharon and see what she’s up to, okay? And maybe I’ll go hang out with her for a little while.” I said. My mom just smiled slightly and nodded her head.

So, I called Sharon. We didn’t talk for very long, but we didn’t need too. I just told her a little bit about today and what had happened, and she told me to come over. She also told me a couple of her friends we’re there, but she wanted me to meet them anyway. So, we hung up and I left my room.

When I got out to the kitchen my mom was making dinner and I told her I’d be back later. But before I left, I asked her if now was a good time for her to think about me transferring to Melbrook High school. She told me she would talk to my dad about it and we’d have a talk later. That was good enough for now.

So, I left to go to Sharon's house for awhile...

6/6/10

On route to Brantford...

Well, I'm now on my way back to Brantford from my grandmas house..
It was a pretty good visit again =)
I totally got to see Josh for a little bit, which made me very happy :)
I missed him far too much...
Only 5 more sleeps till I we go for the weekend!
6 days Till Josh's Birthday!
10 days till my grad!!!
and only 12 more days till Ottawa!

So again, I really have nothing to say...
I wish I had more to ramble on about...But that doesn't seem to be happening lately lol
OH OH OH! So I totally bought a book today!
Its a little novella from eclipse....
It's only 178 Pages..(Duh, thats why its a novella...)
Im gonna start it tonight...If I read it all night I could totally have it finished tonight..
But I don't want to finish it THAT quickly...lol
So I'm gonna give myself some time...
But Im soooo starting it tonight!!!
I'm pretty excited!

Anyway I'm not toooooooo far away from home, and I gotta pick Raven up...
So, I'm gonna end it here and maybe write more later lol

So later! or Good Night! =)


P.s Look at this picture...I love him...

Skillet - Those Nights



My new most favorite song in the world!!

6/5/10

On route to Hamilton...

Hey! So, I know, I'm totally slacking!
I didn't post anything at all yesterday!
What's wrong with me?! haha
Actually I was too drunk to post anything...
Good night though...Horror movies and Alcohol FTW!
Oh and a pretty good (short though) thunder and lightening storm =)

Anyway, Yesterday was boring, so enough with that...
Right now, I'm on my way to Hamilton...
We're going to Limeridge mall with my grandma.
It's not all that exciting, but it's better than sitting around doing fuck all lol
I really don't know what to talk about anymore lol
Tonight's gonna be a boring night, nothing's really happening...
I'm taking Raven to work, going to my mom's for dinner, and while there I'm helping Elisha rearrange her bedroom...
But I'm excited for tomorrow!!!
We're going to Dorchester to see my grandma Mar...
But before we go out for dinner, I'm going into London to see Josh!!!
Which makes me soooo uber freaking happy!!
I miss him. I miss him a lot... :(
I just want a giant huge hug! Just to hold me over until next weekend...
I can't wait for that either...Just so I can cuddle with him before bed lol

Anyway, my parents are fighting (go figure!), so I'm gonna end it here for now...
I can't concentrate on anything...
Plus I'd like to stay alive...If I don't post for a few days after this, consider me dead...

Lates!!!


6/4/10

Another night has come to an end...

Well it's 1:30 a.m. and I should be going to sleep but ya know how I roll...
lol I just got done wrapping Josh's birthday presents! =)
I think he's gonna love em...lol
There's a small, Medium, and Large one :) lol







Anyway, I really have nothing to say, I just wanted to post that I finished wrapping his presents and to say good night! haha =)
So, Good night peoples!!

*Quote of the Post*
"When you are in Love you can't fall asleep because reality is better than your dreams."
-Dr. Seuss

6/3/10

R.I.P Rue McClanahan...Another good one gone

Holy crap...So sad!
I can't believe she's gone already...She was only 76!
Makes ya really think though....
My Grandma's only 2 years younger than her...
Life's so short and unpredictable!

But I loved this actress, She was amazing in every role she played!
Hopefully this isn't a sign for Betty White...
It's been one a year since since 2008...:'(





Estelle Getty (84) July 25, 1923 – July 22, 2008












Beatrice
Arthur (86) May 13, 1922 – April 25, 2009












Rue McClanahan
(76) February 21, 1934 – June 3, 2010












Betty White (88) January 17, 1922 - ?





*Here's a Cheers to all of the GREAT women!*




*Quote of the Post*

Dream as if you'll live forever, live as if you'll die today.

-James Dean

Just Rambling...:) lol

Hey There!
I've definitely have been awake for awhile now, I just chose not to get out of bed till like an hour ago lol =)
This afternoon brings nothing to really talk about...
It's boring week days as per usual...
I'm trying to get a hold of my mom or dad though, but no ones answering...
I still don't understand why either of them need a cell phone...seriously lol
They never answer them, and they bitch at each other for not answering...haha
It looks like it's gonna rain again today...meh no biggie...I LOVE the rain...
Specially, seeing as we're in an apartment, on the 8 th floor...and heat rises...
Rain is a wonderful thing when it cools it all off...:)
....
So, I just went to the bathroom, and for some reason, I started to think about something really random...(Not that randoms a surprise for me..)
So awhile ago, like 4 months ago, When my house got broken into, my ex idiot was the first person the police questioned right, well then he called me while I was at my boyfriends house to bitch at me about telling the cops it was him. Which for the record I wasn't even home to talk to the police...so I didn't.
Anyway, I had only JUST started dating Josh like that weekend!
So very few people really knew yet...and that day I had just changed my status to in a relationship on Face book....
But when the ex idiot called, He was freaking out and I was all like shut up I'm gonna hang up on you now, good bye! and he said yeah that's right go back to you fucking boy toy...
Which, as you can imagine if you know me, pissed me right the fuck off...
Who the fuck is he to say anything to me about my boyfriend or life, after everything he did to me, and how he treated me?!
But I never thought about the fact of, how did he even know?
1. I didn't have him on Face Book anymore.
2. My security setting are maxed on Face book, you can't even serch my name and find me...
and 3. I never talked to him anymore then he made me...He'd randomly text me something stupid and I'd text him back to tell him he was stupid :) lol
So, while I was in the bathroom and that thought came to mind, I started to think about something that my "Friend" had said to me over the weekend...
She lives in the same town as him...I've known this forever...But I didn't really think she ever talked to him, seeing as she was my friend, and knew the things he had done to me, and was one of the biggest voices in my ear telling me to leave his dumb butt.
But she told me that when she had hurt her leg in the later part of January, she didn't know who else to call...So She called him. He took her to the hospital, he stayed with her, and he got her home again...
That's a few hours of spending time together right there...
She knew I was hanging out with Josh a lot...and knew that I wanted nothing more than to be with him again...Josh I mean..
So was it her? Did she really tell my ex idiot that I was dating Josh?
Really, who else could it of been? She's the only person I knew of that was still talking to him and me...well now that I think about it anyway.
He wanted nothing to with people that talked to me...Those that openly admitted to still talking to me...
He removed them from Face book and MSN, even though he was suppose to be friends with them too...I personally didn't care...
But yeah so that thought just suddenly crossed my mind...and I was all like wtf?
And decided that I need to rant about this before I got uber mad about it lol
This is why I love my blog =)

Anyway, I should probably go, and find something productive to do...
Like I said I'm trying to get a hold of my parents, I want to go to Chapters in Ancaster...
But I just don't feel like driving myself...But I really want to try to get the second and last part of Joshie's Birthday Gift! =)

~9 Days Till Josh's Birthday~
~13 Days Till Graduation~
~15 Days Till Ottawa~
~17 Days Till Father's Day~
~20 Days Till Elisha's Birthday~

And somewhere in there is a June Party!! haha

Later Peeps!


*Quote of the post*


"
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night."
- Charlie Brown


Good night...

Well as you can see from the title this is my last post for the night,
I
'm actually gonna go to sleep now lol...
A little earlier than normal though
But I figured what the hell I might as well write one last thing of the night...
I don't really have much to say though lol which could be a bit of a problem lol
But I'm sure I can ramble on about nothing for a little bit haha

So, I just watched 'Mirrors', with Raven and Todd...
We started to watch 'White Noise 2', But I was just too tired and decided to go to bed lol
Plus, I figured they could use some alone time together, and I knew Raven was getting tired anyway lol
Seeing them together is really cute, cus I love Raven and I love seeing her just a little more happier than usual...
But to be honest, it makes me miss Josh a lot...
I wish we lived closer together, But I guess it does make the time we are together a little more important, cus we know we won't be seeing eachother very much...
But it's still upsetting sometimes =(
I just love being around him...
He makes me happy, and smile...a lot...lol
I really do miss him all the time...pathetic, I know lol But I can't help it at all! :P
I can't wait till Sunday! Hopefully I'll be able to see him, even for just a few minutes...Just long enough to get a hug...A few hugs...and kisses :) lol
It'll hold me over till June 11th, when Elisha and I actually go down for the weekend...and then its my GRAD soon after! That excites me very much! lol
I can't believe I'm actually going to a real grad...I've never wanted to go before...This is my first grad I'm actually attending since my Grade 8 Grad haha
wow, That was awhile ago...almost 10 years ago...damn..
That's a crazy thought...
Damn, I feel like I just aged myself incredibly...
Could be worst though I know...But still lol

Anyway, I should probably go to bed lol
Maybe this way I wouldn't sleep till 2 in the afternoon or later...
I'll write to ya in the morning (afternoon) when I wake up :)

Nighterz!!!!!!!
*SwEeT dReAmS*



*Quote Of the post*
"Nothing in the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity."
- Martin Luther King Jr.

6/2/10

Seriously?!

Okay, So I doubt I've even mentioned a girl, that I'm very upset with atm...
But I'm upset cus, she was like my best friend...
We had so much in common we both "seemed" to like hanging out all the time...
But then she just stopped talking to me...
I had no idea why...But I wasn't around too much, and I was keeping busy...
But a few times she seemed to walk right by me, to talk to my room mate..
It was like I didn't exists...
So That made me a bit upset...quite a bit upset actually...
Anyway, I sent her a message on facebook, just like asking wtf? In a nice way of course...
I mean I missed her, I didn't want to offend her...
And maybe it was me, maybe I did something that hurt her...
So the next day I log on and find a message from her. Okay good start, right?
WRONG. She was just informing me that, get this, I've changed...
So instead of being an adult and just telling me to my face or giving me a chance to see what she means, she just stops all communication....
So Obviously, I was really upset, and really hurt, ya know?
So I just messaged her back with, "Wow. I'm sorry, but I'd really like to know where I've changed? I feel like I'm the same person I always was...Except now I'm happier...and not being hurt by my ex idiot all the time. Plus, if you think I've changed in that I've become more of a harder, colder person, That's from fear. Wouldn't you of changed if everything you owned, everything you worked hard to get, was stolen from you not once, but TWICE?! Wouldn't that change you a little bit? Make you a little sure of people and shit?"
I thought I was pretty nice considering how upset I really was...
I was losing a really good friend completely...and she couldn't even come tell it to my face..
So I waited...Nothing all day...Nothing for the next few days...
Nothing for 18 days!
So, during those 18 days, I did to her what she did to me...
I ignored her...I'd see her coming and I wouldn't look at her, I wouldn't wave, I wouldn't do anything...However, a couple times, as much as I don't like him either, I'd say hi to her boyfriend when they were together...It's kinda like her with Raven...I can be a bitch too if she wants to play that game...
Okay, so now on the 19th day, she finally message me...on facebook of course....
She says this;
"Hey Hope.
Do you think you can let me know when you're home? I'd really like to come over and talk."

What, I haven't givin her many an opportunity to come over and just talk?
I'm home for 2 weeks before I leave to go see my boyfriend for two days!!
Hell, I'll be home for 3 weeks this time!
I do believe I'm home more often than she is for crying out loud!!
So anyway, I haven't messaged her back, cus I have no idea what I should say, and right now I'm sooo mad, I'm not sure it would even be a good idea!
I'm so hurt...maybe it's ridiculous to be so upset but I am!
I do love her, and I always will. She's been a big part of life, rather quickly I might add...
But how can you treat someone this way, that you're suppose to 'love' too?
I might just tell her, that I'll talk to her, but maybe we should go outside and have this talk, take our dogs out and talk...
in public, I'm less likely to cry or scream...again being that every emotion I have comes with tears lol
I do want to talk to her and maybe I will...
I'll post how that conversation goes...
Hopefully it goes well...But honestly if it doesn't, It's not like it's changing anything as of right now anyway...and that's how I'm gonna look at it too...
Anyway, I'm gonna go have a shower, and get dressed, and maybe message her back, and I still gotta go do laundry...

(To Be Continued...)


*Quote of the post*
"You sort of start thinking anything's possible if you've got enough nerve."
- J.K. Rowling

Captain's log 4:16 a.m....

So, I'm not sleeping...(Thank you, Captain Obvious!)
I just hung out with Raven, her boyfriend, and a couple of her friends from work...
Nothing too spectacular, but fun nonetheless lol
But after they left, that's when something weird, but awesome happened...
Both Raven and I want to lose weight, and get healthier lol
So we are going to work it out properly and we've just come up with our own diet!
We're gonna call it "The Peanut Butter Diet"
Sounds bad I know....But once we have all the detail writen up and figured out, I'll post it!
I think it'll be an awesome diet, as long as we do it right =) lol
This will be one goal started and hopefully completed...
It sure would make me feel a little better...
But anyway I just really wanted to write about that.
And I'll be sure to write more about it too!
And I'm also gonna try to write a lot more often....
I think it does my mind good to have somewhere to just write my thoughts and complaints and stuff haha =)
So, yeah, now I'm really off to bed, because it's late and I'm wayyy over tired :)

Night Peoples!!!
*Quote of the post*

"I believe that everything happens for a reason.
People change so that you can learn to let go,
things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right,
you believe lies, so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself,
and sometimes good things fall apart, so better things can fall together.
"

- Marilyn Monroe

I hate my brain...

So it's like 1:20 am and I should be sleeping, but obviously I'm not...lol
I just cleaned my room, because I HAD to..
Like seriously, I came home today, walked into my room and CRIED!
My room soooo messy to me, I CRIED!
Oh. My. God. What is my life coming to?!
And as I was cleaning I came across stuff. Stuff that made me think...
Good or Bad? I dunno..But I thought...A lot.
Where is my life going?
What am I going to be doing in 10 years, 5 years, hell in 1 year?!
I have goals, yes. But Am I living up to them?
My answer to that, No.
I'm turning 23 this year! 23 fucking years old!
And I still don't know what I want to be...
I wanted to be married and have my first kid by the time I was 25.
That's only like 2 years and 4 months away! That's not happening...
I wanted to have a career by 23!
I wanted to be doing something GREAT with my life...
But what the fuck am I doing?...
Answer: Nothing.
I'm going to school in September for a one year program so, A) I don't have to pay back OSAP (Cus I don't have a clue what I want to do!) and B) So I have time to figure it out...
I'm trying not to stress cus really, it's not worth it...
Shit happens...but Holy Fuck!
Sometimes I feel like I've made BIG mistakes in my life, but there's no changing it...I can only move ahead...
But what if one thing I've done, has ruined everything I've ever wanted to do?
What if I really made the biggest mistake of my life, and I don't even really know it?
How do I figure it out? How do I know what to do?
Sometimes I love life, other times I hate it. And I know that's normal...
But I'd really rather just love it all the time lol
And How do you know if somethings right?
like, love? How do I know that the person I love right now, feels the same? Or will always feel the same?
What if what he wants out of life is different then what I want?
Is that an issue? Should it be?
Is having the same sort of goals important?
Why am I thinking so much about this stuff tonight?
man, I just don't know right now...
Maybe I should sleep on it...
so, Good night people!
Maybe I'll be a little less emotional tomorrow lol.